Overwhelm & Burnout

Overwhelmed? The feeling of being trapped, drowning, or just up to here with everything. Can’t possibly take anything else without snapping. 

Do you have trouble pacing yourself? Do you constantly feel burned out? Do you recognize a pattern or cycle here?

Burnout became trackable to me. I could predict the day overwhelm and burnout would show up for me. However, the curve balls of life are not predictable and if you’re already on the cusp of overwhelm and burnout, these unforeseen instances can really rip the rug out from under you. Sometimes we barely get the wind under our wings, and yet again another episode of overwhelm and exhaustion approaches. 

Life is full of challenges and as much as we try to prepare ourselves we are often left feeling lost and hopeless.

• Tired
• Brain fog
• Poor decision making
• Moody
• Irrational
• Negative thoughts

There is an awareness to catching yourself in these moments: not reacting harshly and sensing this is not our usual vibe, energy, or normal baseline. Take some nice slow deep breaths, close your eyes, and really just be in the moment with yourself; Say to yourself “I’m safe” and repeat. Your brain, when pushed to these limits streams right into survival mode; it’s like being attacked. Your brain is on a short leash because it’s trying to protect you. These are the signals your brain is receiving; I’m not safe! Survive! Serving your basic functions only. So of course, you can’t think clearly or make a solid decision. You’re burning out – your luster, your sparkle, the essence of you is all put aside to simply survive. This breathing and I’m safe exercise may seem silly, but it’s what your brain needs to hear to override the system and get yourself back into mainstream, otherwise known as self-regulating. Your brain needs to hear that there is no real threat so you can move out of survival mode.

Your inner voice may be nagging you or challenging you: You’ve done more than this before! Get it together! Stop being lazy! You’re never going to finish this! SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE!

We control ourselves, how we perceive things, and how we react. Having self-control is not easy. It takes loads of discipline, respect, and healthy communication skills. Moreover, it takes slowing down the process – what has been said or done, before reacting. Assessing the situation – does this require a reaction at all?  Consequences – if I react this way is it appropriate, will it help me or the other person? Everything does not need an input, opinion, or reaction. But whatever the situation, if it does require a reaction, give yourself the time to let it be the best reaction for you and all the parties involved. Overwhelm and burnout cloud your judgment in the reaction process, so become aware of that and use the steps listed (slow down; assess; and consequences).

What triggers overwhelm and burnout? You can feel it beginning to loom over you like a static or icky feeling. Maybe you woke up feeling great and someone in the home woke up on the wrong side of the bed. We can have just as big of an effect on the person who woke up grumpy as the grumpy can rub off on us! The self-control tips from the paragraph above can help you navigate through this overwhelming feeling of negativity. If you are snapped at with a short and crappy tone: maybe that person needs a big hug, maybe they had a bad dream, or maybe they didn’t get enough sleep. I chose to use this example to express how choosing to stay unaffected by someone elses mood, can protect us and even change the outcome of someone elses day. If you carry that bad energy around, then you’re just asking to be run over. Absorbing their emotion means they have control over your feelings and emotions; people within our home can have this effect on us. But who’s in control of your emotions and feelings, YOU ARE! You also have the power to affect others. Let’s run another scenario: The pressure of time, maybe you’re racing the clock all day, this is triggering to me, personally. Nothing makes me burn out faster than racing time. Deadlines make me feel icky, and of course, I am a huge procrastinator, mainly because I take advantage of time. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I’ll do it tomorrow. We think we are slick, manipulating time, but it bites us right in the butt for doing so. It’s late, it’s rushed, it’s not what you envisioned. Here come the thought goblins, now you’re beating yourself up over something you had control over, and now accountability lingers overhead as you run right into being overwhelmed. 

The beginning of my better me journey was like walking into a jungle with only a rope to survive. Thinking and knowing all of the inner work that needed to be done was 100% overwhelming. The sacrifices to make and putting myself on this vulnerable front where accountability was debilitating, sent me spiraling into survival mode! Clueless, I felt clueless. I was lane comparing and beating myself up, I was sinking and grasping for anything tangible. I looked to life coaching, and it was expensive! I couldn’t even decide if I was going to do it or not! But I leaped in any way! My coach discovered the state I was in, she told me what I needed to hear. However, my past made me question – does she have my best interest at heart? Will this make a difference? If it’s expensive I want it to be worth it and will I be where I need to be in six months? Once I got out of my way and made a conscious decision to do it, it only took 3 or 4 Zoom calls to make this decision. Changed my life! I had no idea I was so far out in left field. Sometimes it’s hearing what you already know. Sometimes it’s cringing and being vulnerable and accepting accountability. Sometimes it’s having a fresh new awareness shared with you to change your mindset. Another scenario: first-time parents, hello overwhelmed! It’s foreign to most, some have upbringings with siblings, and usually the oldest excels with taking care of others, as they have more responsibilities growing up, and the feeling of being needed and nurturing others. But for those who have never had an experience like that are clueless as to what a baby/child needs. Even with experience parenting is challenging because not all of this responsibility has been felt before. Our first time raising a child is not a straight line to success. It’s going through the motions and staying attuned with your precious child. They don’t communicate so it’s all based on feelings, guessing, and winging it as bad as that might sound. It’s in the experiences where we gather information about what was helpful, what didn’t and did work, and how to do it better next time.

BUT staying consistent with:

• Relying on loved ones and asking for help
• Accepting responsibility and holding ourselves accountable
• Giving grace when there are setbacks
• Tracking progress with a reward system
• Journaling
• Making time for ourselves
• Moving with intention
• Pouring into passion

Bit by bit these healthy habits stopped looking so scary, intimidating, and selfish. I started to actually see results; burning out less and accomplishing goals. I could see who I was becoming and I liked her so I kept feeding her! When we nurture the broken pieces of ourselves you see the healing start to happen. Much like working out, it takes a while to build endurance. Mainly because we have to see a difference to believe that what we are doing is better than what we were and may still be currently doing. When we accept what comes to us; good or bad it is much easier to let things roll off our back. Inner work doesn’t mean nothing bad will ever happen to you again, but to be able to live a life where whether something good or bad happens to you, you will still make it through to the other side without crumbling and or being negatively affected. Instances change us; good or bad we come out different every time. Embrace that change is good and we are meant to embrace it, not resist it. No change = nothing new, nor will there ever be growth; it’s stagnant. Change is fear-based, as it means diving into the unknown. So, it’s normal to freeze momentarily as we navigate our way through it and move forward once we feel safe. 

Overwhelm is a feeling worth nurturing, we need to feel safe. It can leave long-lasting imprints on our decision-making and everyday life. Control is also a factor; it’s the loss of control that overwhelms us. We like to control things, people, and technology. In a world where control is at the tip of our fingers – this here, you are there: it is out of control. You control your home, your emotions, and your reactions, everything else falls off. We don’t have control over other people: not their thoughts, feelings, or how they perceive the world. Let it go. Making peace with this will take loads of pressure off of you! That is one less thing you have to worry about and helps take the heat off the stove; it’s not my and your place to control others. Unless someone is doing something unlawful or dangerous don’t try to control it or them. Make peace for your own well-being. When full of doubt, think of all the accomplishments you have achieved and count your blessings on what you already have. Turn around and look how far you’ve come. For me, I was so disgusted with how I was raised that turning around to look at my past was overwhelming. It is when we reflect on our past though, that we truly see the distance and I had already accomplished what I wanted for my family. That took a huge pressure off of me because my wheels were still in four-wheel drive, and they didn’t need to be. My coach helped me to recognize this, and I broke down, someone who HATES crying; because I felt like crying was weak, I was tired of crying so it’s an emotion I run away from. She said give yourself permission to feel, to be happy, to move forward, to be in a funk if I needed to, and as long as I didn’t full stop, slowing down was and is ok. I definitely took this tool and ran with it, giving myself permission was a whole new awareness unlocked. Navigating how to use these mindset tools was challenging at first, like being handed the keys to life – how, when, and where to use them.

KEY POINTS:

STAY CONSISTENT

DON’T HOLD UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS FOR YOURSELF OR OTHERS

LET GO OF WHAT IS NOT IN YOUR CONTROL

GRACE AND MINDFULNESS

Remember, if you catch yourself slipping that’s ok, we are perfectly imperfect! When feeling overwhelmed, remind yourself that you are safe and to take a few slow deep breaths. Be aware that our children are modeling what we put out as well and we want better for us because we want better for them.