Boundaries & Growth

Boundaries and growth

Boundaries are hard for me, personally. However, to have balance, peace of mind, and self-respect, boundaries are necessary. We are often scared to rock the boat out of fear of displeasing or hurting someone else’s feelings. Boundaries = self-love and care. It doesn’t make you a monster unless you take advantage and make EVERYTHING about you. Boundaries help give us definition, a tone, and how we would like to be treated by others – in other words it sets expectations. You don’t have to aggressively assert these boundaries. Depending on the situation to which they are being tested. Nonetheless, standing up for yourself or simply stating I cannot do this, or a flat no is not the end of the world. In fact, you will be glad you did. The more you respect and love yourself the more confident you become, the easier decision making starts to become, and you rely less on what everyone else thinks and more in tune with what makes you happy. 

Setting boundaries is easier said than done, right? Right, it is easier said than done. But when you start, I promise you won’t regret it. The amount of time we invest in setting boundaries and teaching others how to treat us is well worth the effort, for the sake of your peace! It is through the trials and triumphs that give us a true appreciation for what it is we’ve worked for. Boundaries will save us all! Boundaries can save you from getting hurt or being emotionally drained. You know what happens when you say no to something? It opens another door, a door in a different direction. It fosters change and opportunity. Your boundaries will get you there, not mine. That’s why there is no list. It is purely what your inner voice, your desire, and your ambitions are. I can give you a few tips that have helped me when setting boundaries.

• Respect yourself and others
• Realistic expectations and standards.
• If it doesn’t feel right, don’t force it. That doesn’t mean after one time, try it a few times like a puzzle piece; turn, turn, turn. Ok! Not it!
• Start simple, especially if voicing your opinion or standing up for yourself is new and difficult
• ALWAYS, I mean every time you respect your personal boundaries and stay true to what you believe, treat yourself, get a coffee, snack, a new shirt, whatever you want but small. I’m over here rewarding daily! I was told by my life coach to use an empty snack jar and fill it with Skittles or M&Ms whichever you like, but the point is to see your growth and feel good about yourself!

Growth

Growth requires a steady pace, a groove if you will. It involves a repetition of fails and wins! It is from each fail that the true aha happens or something is meant to be taken from that experience. It is ok to be deflated when something we really wanted to happen doesn’t. Accept that, don’t waste too much time trying to control every outcome, the universe is going to open another opportunity where this one closed, for a reason. You have to believe in yourself and that the choices you are making are for the better! Creating boundaries around that, nourishing with repetition. Again, accepting hurdles as they come and staying true to your values. Think of boundaries like fencing around your beautiful garden. Cute little bunnies, deer, and squirrels try to eat the fruits of our labor. We protect it! Hard work hunched over in the sun, took all day; it’s beautiful, this fictional garden. The point is you’re worth it. Protect yourself so you can grow! This also strikes me when I think of my own growth; I have felt lost. Becoming a mother changes you. It’s more than just admiring your beautiful child; a self-discovery journey kicks on in full gear. My biggest concern has always been being a good parent, but we forget to still be us because it’s never about us. It is important you find, or you know who you are to properly grow. Otherwise, even if you make it to your goal, you won’t be satisfied still, or you may lose interest. Growth happens all the time; those little wins, make sure you’re giving credit where and when it’s due. Acknowledge pieces along the way. You really do bloom one layer at a time. You might grow in awareness one day and patience in another. It is leaving pieces of the old us that no longer resonate with who we are while embracing the parts of ourselves that actually make us unique and joyful – doing those two things while we move toward our purpose. Along the way “unexpected interruptions” enter our lives, causing chaos. We think these interruptions will disrupt us and get in the way of our purpose or goals that we are trying to achieve, but actually these challenges are helping us learn and grow, maybe to avoid something in the future – know where to set boundaries for example or teaching us a life skill. Challenges also keep us focused. If we continue to fight for it, that might mean we truly value this idea or these goals. It can make your more passionate or you may realize, “hey, this is not for me.” It’s never too late to change your direction of growth. It’s a beautiful, slow-moving process that is malleable and shiftable. For growth, whether it’s personal or for your business – to be successful (everyone’s definition of success is unique to them) it really involves knowing yourself deeply. Where you stand on beliefs, loyalty, and credibility. What do you want that to look like?

Here are some things to keep in mind when working on growth:

• Boundaries are what encompass and support your beliefs. Help people to understand this is where I stand, and they can either respect that or not – if they don’t then it’s time to set those boundaries/space.
• Don’t people please at your own expense. Asserting ourselves isn’t easy to start doing, I found it easiest to start small by doing something that was better for me than the other person. I didn’t over-explain or offer details to support my decision, I simply say no.
  • In your home is a great place to start getting comfortable with setting boundaries. Plus being role models for our children, they too can set healthy boundaries, and working together as a family to grow. This builds trust, confidence, appreciation, accountability, respect, and loyalty.
• Practice patience – this is a life journey, not an Amazon delivery. Sure, there are ways to achieve instant gratifications, but the best type of gratification that actually sticks is achieved through hard work – developed over a larger window of time. 
• Always give yourself and others grace. People often carry weight around with them, it’s a vibration you can sense or maybe a heightened awareness too. Often, I feel like any time I’m growing through something, I meet a lot of others facing the same or similar situation. Magnetic attraction, is a good sign if you ask me – validation.
• Lose grip on things outside of your control. Accept your own free will and that everyone has a different perception than you. 
• Keep standards or expectations that are realistic. Don’t make yourself jump the highest hoops for approval or expect others to treat you specially. 
• Be more outgoing; offer a stranger a compliment. It is what we put out that comes back to us. Karma is real whether you call it karma or something else.